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Do you ever find yourself in moments feeling like something is missing?
This could be:
A version of yourself you can't quite reach anymore
The confidence you had before life humbled you
The dreams that felt so possible back then
Like for example, missing your younger self.
That's the big one, isn't it? Especially as you go into your 20’s and beyond?
Do you find yourself thinking about them at 3 AM, remembering how fearless you were, living in parallel universes where you stayed that optimistic?
I know, because I did for the longest time.
And I found something profound about the nature of missing—it's not about what's gone.
It's about what we think we've lost in ourselves.
Where It Showed Up in My Life
For a long time, I found myself missing my 11th grade self.
The one who felt like the world was wide open.
The one who was about to get a girlfriend and had all his friends around him.
The one who hadn't been beaten down by rejections and reality yet.
The one who applied to colleges with absolute certainty they'd change the world.
But the more I chased that old version of me, the more empty I felt inside.
It was like drinking salt water when you're thirsty - the more you drink, the thirstier you get.
So one day I just sat with the feeling and questioned myself as to why I felt that way.
And something clicked. I wasn't actually missing my 11th grade self.
I was missing the feeling of being whole that I'd somehow convinced myself only existed back then.
What the Wisdom Reveals
I've recently been reading Sam Harris.
Kudos to a friend for recommending his book Waking Up.
Sam talks a lot about identification with the mind.
He says that it is the root of our suffering, and he illustrates a beautiful example too.
Think about the burn of lifting weights.
If it just randomly happened to you, you would more likely than not panic.
But because it's intentional, we think it's almost rewarding.
2 different reactions for the same feeling.
And that's all due to our mind.
Here's what hit me: when we miss our younger selves, we're not really missing them.
We're missing who we thought we were back then.
And just like the weights example, it’s our own mind that makes us feel a negative emotion.
When you miss your younger self, what exactly are you missing?
The one who had endless energy
The one with people around him/her
The one who believed anything was possible
The one who hadn't failed yet
But who is the "one" underneath all these stories?
The one who exists right now, reading this?
That one has always been complete.
How I'm Trying to Live Now
Just like the example of lifting weights, my mind craving my past self is my own creation.
I can choose to feel diminished by time, or I can realize that I am creating my own suffering.
And that doesn't just remove the sting immediately.
But over time, you begin to realize that you are complete at every age, in every version.
The mind creates a story of decline, then suffers inside that story.
But you can always step outside the story.
Try this: Next time you feel that ache of missing who you used to be, don't run from it. Sit with it. Ask yourself: "Who is feeling this missing?" Not what or why, but WHO.
You'll find something remarkable.
The one who watches the feeling of missing... isn't missing anything.
That awareness is already whole.
My 11th grade self?
I realized I was never actually more whole back then. I just believed I was.
The confidence, the openness - it's all still here.
(and even when those things go away at age 80, I’m still pure awareness and whole)
I'd just covered it up with stories about what I'd lost.
In fact, I'm realizing I'm more whole now.
That 11th grade version of me definitely couldn't sit with himself alone.
He needed constant validation, constant company, constant noise to feel okay.
He felt complete only when others made him feel complete.
What I was really missing was that feeling of completeness I got from others back then.
But now I can sit in an empty room and feel full.
I can be alone without being lonely. That's real wholeness.
The younger me I missed for so long dissolved when I saw through the illusion. I wasn't more complete at 18. I had believed a thought that said I was.
And in fact, the harder it is to let go of that younger version for you, the more profound the lesson.
Because you've believed the story so deeply. You've forgotten who you really are.
But you can remember. Right now.
The real self that was always there.
Not because you became young again or achieved what you thought you would. But because you were never incomplete to begin with.
That's the cosmic joke of missing. You can't lose what you are. You can only forget.
So here’s how you remember: start being more present (full focus and 0 external thoughts) in everything you do - that’s literally it.
