The Journey from Yes to No to Maybe

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You ever say yes to everything… and have no idea why?

Not from peace and not from love.
But from fear — fear of silence, stillness… even yourself.

Hangout? Yes.
Party? Yes.
Date? Sure.
New identity? Why not?

It’s not generosity. It’s confusion.

Because deep down, you don’t know who you are without all of it.

So you keep masking. You pass time with people.

You chase validation through performance.

You date to feel whole again.

Then one day, you change things to protect your peace.

You start saying no.
No to the noise.
No to distractions.
No to everything.

And now you’re left with your own company, finally at peace… or maybe just isolated.

So how do you set boundaries…without building walls?

It started as a kid, following what my parents said.

Then I followed what my friends said.

And by the time I was 20, I didn't even realize I had outsourced my entire identity.

Then everything broke with 2 things.

And things didn't change overnight.

In fact, I had no idea who the heck I was for over a year.

But the old "me", the one who wanted to be liked, chosen, praised, started to die.

And in his place, someone else showed up.

Someone I didn't fully recognize.

But maybe… someone closer to the truth.

That led me to the next season:

The no era.

I started saying no to everything.

It felt great at first.

But also lonely and messy.

I burned a few bridges.

And it wasn't because I was cold.

But because I had no idea know how to protect my peace without cutting everything off.

But was there something between the extremes?

Was there a way to be in the world without losing myself to it?

This reminds me of Buddha's story.

Before he was the Buddha, he was Prince Siddhartha.

Living in a palace. Every pleasure at his fingertips. Every "yes" available to him.

But it felt empty. So he left.

Swung to the complete opposite.

Became an ascetic. Said no to everything.

Starved himself. Rejected all comfort. Pushed away all connection.

Nearly died from the extremes.

Then one day, sitting by a river, skeleton-thin from fasting, he heard a music teacher talking to his student:

"If you tighten the string too much, it will break. If you leave it too loose, it won't play."

That's when it clicked.

Buddha realized he'd been living in extremes his whole life.

First, saying yes to every pleasure.

Then, saying no to every comfort.

Both were prisons.

He called this realization the Middle Way.

Not indulgence. Not denial.

But wisdom.

The path between extremes where real life happens.

Buddha taught: "The root of suffering is attachment."

But people misunderstand this.

They think it means don't care about anything.

That's not it.

It means don't be attached to saying yes.

Don't be attached to saying no.

Be attached to the truth of each moment.

Sometimes truth means showing up fully.

Sometimes truth means walking away peacefully.

The middle way isn't about compromise.

It's about clarity.

About learning to read each situation with fresh eyes instead of old patterns.

And that's exactly where I found myself. In the middle. Learning to tune the string of my life - not too tight, not too loose.

That's when a new season arrived:

Not yes, but not no either.

Discernment.

Just like Buddha discovering the middle way between palace and poverty, I was finding my path between people-pleasing and isolation.

Saying yes to fewer things, but ones that felt true.

Saying no with peace and not guilt.

And learning how to set boundaries and be kind.

How to protect my time and still care.

How to stop performing and still show up.

That's where I am now.

In the middle.

It's messy and imperfect.

I still over-explain myself sometimes.

I still struggle to say things to my closest friends.

I still wonder if people think I've changed or if they misunderstand me.

But also things are more:

I wrote this because I know how hard this path is.

Not the path of "success" but the path of becoming.

You will be misunderstood and people will say "you've changed."

And the truth is: you have.

You're no longer living for applause.

You're now building your life from the inside out.