You Already Are What You're Looking For

Quiet Clarity is a 2x/week newsletter and podcast for people who want to build a life of presence, depth, and deliberate intention.

But you keep chasing.

So what if the thing you're looking for has been inside you all along?

We push death away like it won't happen to us. Then life happens. We get sucked into the next thing.

Baby me loved toys. Kid me loved bikes. Teenager me loved basketball. Adult me built a business for "freedom."

Freedom to do what I want, when I want, with who I want.

Sounds perfect, doesn't it?

So why am I sitting here on Christmas, with all that freedom, wondering if this is it?

I can sleep when I want. Work when I want. Travel anywhere. Yet I find myself working all day and going to bed early.

People tell me to travel more. Meet people. "Enjoy your youth."

But here's the thing - I genuinely love my own company. Is that weird? Maybe.

The best days are sending holiday gifts to my team. Telling people they matter before it's too late. Building something cool. Chasing dreams.

But even that doesn't feel like the end.

Why do I really want more money? To be respected? Loved? To feel a certain way?

This brings me to a conversation between a student and the Zen master Huang Po.

The student had been searching for enlightenment for years. Meditating. Fasting. Following every teaching. Chasing experience after experience.

One day, exhausted, he approached Huang Po.

"Master, I've done everything. Read every text. Practiced every meditation. Yet enlightenment eludes me. What am I missing?"

Huang Po looked at him and laughed.

"The treasure you seek is in your own house. Yet you wander the world looking for it."

The student was confused. "But I've looked within! I've meditated for hours!"

Huang Po shook his head.

"Looking within is still looking. The eye cannot see itself. The knife cannot cut itself. Stop seeking what you already are."

The student protested: "But I don't feel enlightened! I don't feel complete!"

Huang Po smiled.

"A fish in the ocean, searching everywhere for water. Tell me - what is it swimming in?"

In that moment, the student understood.

He wasn't lacking anything. He was what he was looking for.

The search itself was the only thing hiding it.

Huang Po taught that we're like waves looking for the ocean. We are the ocean. We've always been the ocean. But we're so focused on being waves that we miss it.

Every achievement, every goal, every external thing we chase... It's just a wave looking for more wave.

But underneath every wave? The same infinite ocean.

What if I stopped looking and started being?

I built a business for freedom. Got the freedom. Still felt incomplete.

Because I was still looking outside.

Now I'm experimenting with something different:

When I wake up, instead of asking "What do I need to achieve today?" I ask "What if I'm already complete?"

Not in a lazy way. Not giving up on goals. But from a different place.

Like a wave that knows it's the ocean Still playing at being a wave.

I still build. Still create. Still love. But not because I need to become something. Because I already am something.

The money? Still want it. But not to be respected. Not to be loved. Because building is fun when you're not desperate.

The achievements? Still chase them. But like a kid playing basketball. Not to become worthy. Just because it's enjoyable.

You know that feeling when you stop trying so hard?

That's not giving up. That's waking up.

We're all going to die anyway.

But maybe that's the gift. The finiteness makes us appreciate the infinite.

You were the baby loving toys. You were the kid on the bike. You were the teenager playing basketball. You are the adult reading this.

All waves. Same ocean.

So try this:

Tomorrow, before you chase anything, pause.

Ask yourself: "What if I already am what I'm looking for?"

Not to stop striving. But to strive from wholeness instead of emptiness.

Because the cosmic joke is this:

You can't become "the one." You already are.